Agente 006 1/2 (21 Set 2002)

Reportage (in inglese) sulla Express-sbandata. Intercettate miracolosamente dal TITU-CONTRO-SPIONAGGIO...

Report from Munich - TOP SECRET
From: 006 1/2 “Agent Orange” A.K.A.,SPQR

To: Agent “Marshall”, SIAE Headquarters

cc: Sebastien Isler, H.M.B.,N.Y.C.

ccc: His Eminence Rudolf Cardinal Ratzinger

RE: Latest Titubanda Activities- Munich Expedition

Agent 006 1/2 reporting on recent Titubanda (code name Titus B.) activities.

After summer incursions into Balkan territory ( a small contingent ventured as far as Bulgaria), under the guise of spreading harmony among the masses through their subversive musical repertoire, the Rome-based Titus B. brought their anarchist, proletarian music to Munich, peaceful stronghold of His Eminence Rudolf Cardinal Ratzinger.

As reported in a previous dispatch, following skirmishes between the Bavarian Razt- Mataz Band and the Titus B. earlier this year in piazza Trilussa on the occasion of His Eminen 99 1/2 birthday, the Titus B. vowed revenge for the provocation suffered at the hands of the Bavarian Band. Said encounter took place on the Titus B.'s officially consacrated territory, piazza Trilussa, site of theie traditional Saturday night "cappello". (Cf. T.B's glossary bellow). Hence the punitive Munich expedition.

Invited by the Munich Express band for the Street-Life Festival held between 14-15 September, picking up reinforcement of three other battallions along the way, namely Banda Roncati (Bologna), Banda degli Ottoni a Scoppio (Milan), Fiati Sprecati (Florence), the Titus B. brought a taste of anarchy to the tranquil city of Munich.

What follows are some of the highlights of the two day assault of peaceful Munich:

Day One - The Prelude

Festivities began routinely late at St. Jakobsplatz at around 2:30 P.M. Marching in their customary disorderly formations, the five bands - the local Express Band tried unsuccesfully to arrange the marching order- immediately brought smiles and joy to the thousands of exstatic Muncheners lined along along the five kilometer parade route. In synchronized, military relay fashion each of the five brass bands took their turn playing samples of their repertoire ranging from Balkan, easy listening popular Italian music to standard neo-revolutionary Latin American songs. Inflaming the crowds with their martial sounds as they slowly made their way through the Marienplatz district, the 150 odd agents provocateurs passed by the Felderrnhalle near Odeonsplatz which was to be the scene of a history making pusch the next day.

Coralled in the final stretch of the parade by a pack of stern-faced, B.M.W.motorcycle-riding Munich policemen executing precise maneuvers to keep the marchers feet off a demarcation line, the long cortege finally arrived at the Siegestor at about 5:00P.M.

Following a long pause for beer, wurstels and pineapple pizza (a local specialty), the weary brass bands alternated playing their music on the 95.5 Radio Charivari Stage under the shadow of the Roman style triumphal arch, the Siegestor, which divides the Residenzstrasse from the interminable Ludwigstrasse.

Day Two - The pusch and counter-pusch

Activities started in mid-afternoon due to the
previous night's/early morning weinerschnitzel, pumpkin soup, beer and pizza party at the Kinderhaus Asylum (the bivouac for two fanfares) for which expert pizza makers from across the Alps provided labor, advice and quality control.

After the usual "cappello" to help our local hosts defray expenses, the bands slowly made their way up the steps of the Felderrnhalle, a loggia from where Adolf Hitler harangued the masses in the early 1930's. The conquest of this bastion of Nazism was climaxed with a stirring "Bella Ciao", followed by a provocative, emotional rendition of the"Internationale". Electrified by the neo-revolutionary music emanating from the Felderrnhalle, the hand-clapping, dancing Muncheners were witnessing a historical musical pusch which made the Furher turn in his grave.

Overconfident by the ease with which they had taken over the city, the Titus B. now in full control of the leadership of the boisterous fanfares - the Roncati and Fiati Sprecati had already left for their long bus ride to Italy- were looking for watering holes to savor their victory. The provocation inflicted upon them by the Ratz-Mataz Bavarian Band was now but a faint memory. Meeting no resistance at one of Munich's oldest wine tavern across the Felderrnhalle where some of the local residents had taken refuge after hearing the "Internationale", the Titus B., who with their followers numbered about fifty, abruptly left the huge hall they had just invaded and began to roam the streets of the deserted city.

As they approached the tourist district, they were attracted by native music coming from the Hofbrauhaus, scene of Hitler's beer hall pusch. Reports indicated that the Bavarian Band on stage, stunned and outnumbered by the menacing tubas and trombones that invaded the hall invited them to join in the playing. (The Bavarian Band may have been the Ratz-Mataz but this could not be confirmed.) As I waited cautiously outside the Hofbrauhaus with a rearguard of about seven to observe the unfolding of events, we witnessed an unexpected counter-putsch.
Surly, menacing waiters uncerimoniously and forcefully (by some accounts) ejected the beer thirsty victors, instruments and all.

After this humiliating defeat, the rearguard, now grown in number, decided to separate completely from the proud but still thirsty Titus B. militants who were not discouraged in their search for a more welcoming beer hall. At this point, the ever-vigilant but exhausted rearguard accepted a timely invitation by Tesi, a wise Express Band member, who suggested a quite, less touristy cafe in her neighborhood where we could peacefully enjoy a beer.
As you can see, my mission in Munich posed many challenges. I must now relate a series of events that took place as the rearguard was heading back to its bivouac (the Stadtische Sporthalle). Upon separation from the Titus B. main force near the Hofbrauhaus, slightly falling behind the rearguard, I was approached by Agent Gonzalez "Pancho" lurking in the background in case of trouble, obviously unaware that I still on mission. This untimely encounter was witnessed at close range by the rearguard whom I tried to assure that it was just a fortuitous case of mistaken identity. A short time later, however, as we were heading back to the bivouac, another agent "Fritz-Froth" Muller, our man in Munich, suddenly appeared on the bus we were on acknowledging my presence. Fritz's conspicuous intervention was totally unnecessary. What made matters worse was that he overtly blew my cover by shaking hands as he left the bus. My behaviour had already seemed suspicious and Agent Fritz's intrusion - he had had a few beers as I could tell from the froth in his moustache- was ultimate proof of my infiltration of the Titus B. An attentive member of the rearguard was keeping an eye on me and the exchange of chips through Fritz's departing handshake only confirmed that suspicion.

It has now been a year since I was assigned to the
Titus B. The monitoring started with a seemingly
harmless inauguration of an olive oil press in Sacrofano followed by other countless subversive happenings. The pusches and counter-pusches that I have described are an indication of how far the organization has now progressed. Needless to say, the Titus B. has international ambitions. After a year of successes, they're planning more audacious
expeditions. Their next field of operation may well be the United States. Their aim in my opinion is to export their subversive activities all over the world. The organization is highly dangerous. I repeat, highly dangerous!!

An important meeting is scheduled for Saturday,
September 21 at 5:00 P.M. at the Titus B.
headquarters. A full report will follow. In view of
the above developments, I request to be recalled to
home base for urgent consultations.

Respectfully submitted,

Agent 006 1/2

Documentation for Office Files

Pre-expeditionary materiel and preparation:

- Viewing of inflammatory documentary of Sex pistols en route to Munich

Post-expedition listening, viewing program:

-The Hungry March Band, NYC. Courtesy of Sebastian Isler
-Brass Mix - Vol. 1. Also courtesy of H.M.B. and
Sebastian Isler
-Dracula and Muhamad Ali videos

Glossary to drive the Titus B. crazy:

fare cappello= extort money from innocent bystanders who listen to the T. B's music
che figata = Expression heard as they played on the steps of the Felderrnhalle. Loosely translated "Wow".
( A subtle reference to revolutionary idol El Che,
pronounced like a K )